Life as it goes...The next chapter begins...

CASSIDY WAS NOT TO BE LEFT OUT!

2012-01-27T23:34:00.000-08:00

Before surgery

So...Cassidy had to steal Scott's surgery thunder. After a lifetime of strep throat the doctor told us " those tonsils are beasts and HAVE to come out:. Less than a week later , Cass was on the operating table. She handled the first 2 days just great. She ate McDonald's and pretty much anything she wanted. She was saying " this is so easy". Then a week into it, it all changed. She was crying and hurting and so sad. I could tell she was exhausted ( only sleeping 2 hours at a time so she could take pain meds) and feeling pain, and alone. It was breaking my heart. She was pitiful honestly. Well 17 days later she is out on a date and doing fine. She lost 12 lbs and is almost too skinny. Hope that she puts a couple pounds back on. I am glad she is feeling back to her silly. crazy , random self . I missed her! I just hope we can go a while without anyone being in the hospital!

SCOTT NEEDED SOME ATTENTION TOO

2012-01-27T23:30:00.000-08:00

What a Christmas Eve...I am at work and I get a call from Scott " I am in the ER and I need to have my appendix out". I rush over to the hospital and there he is, in bed in pain. I instantly felt like he was 5 years old. It made me almost cry. I wanted to take over, and take care of him. I had to step back and let his wife be a wife. She did a GREAT job! She was so sweet to him and stayed with him. It was hard to hand over his care to someone else but I love Jen and I know she loves Scott. He survived and was home on Christmas Day..a little drugged but still there. Merry Christmas to us !

LITTLE GIRLS GROW UP AND BECOME BRIDES

2012-01-27T23:24:00.000-08:00

My little girl (ok she is almost 22 but still) is ENGAGED! December 8, 2011 my soon to be son in law, Josh got down on one knee and made my daughter cry. Taylor and Josh have been together for 3 years. they are a great fit. I would never have picked him for her, which goes to show you that mom does NOT always know best. Taylor is a bright, articulate , amazing person. She makes smart choices and knows what she wants. The two of them adore each other and respect each other and I am so happy for her. It is a strange feeling to know that she will move away and have her own family. It makes ms sad and it makes me happy. I could not love her more.

QUICK RANT

2011-11-28T14:35:00.000-08:00

Why in the world does he write to my daughter? He is serving a mission and did nothing but hurt her for the 12 months before he left. His family has no idea he writes her and tells her he loves her still..but I see how this will end. She will be the one who will be hurt, while they all look at him as the perfect one. If they only knew what he really does. It makes me so angry. He tells her he loves her and misses her but he would never admit that to anyone else. I can only hope that she is strong enough to see what kind of man he will be...never ever good enough for her. If you are reading this and you assume you know who this is about, you are probably right. This is the end of my rant but not of my anger.

UPDATE OF LIFE

2011-10-28T22:21:00.001-07:00

so I have been meaning to update but just have not gotten to it. Life just happens...

Scott and Jen are all settled into married life in Eugene. I miss them stopping by and watching TV on my bed. I am so proud of them though and think that life is going to be a wonderful journey for them. I love Jen like she is one of my own. It is strange how quickly that happened. She is a great girl and I am thrilled Scott has her in his life.

Taylor is busy with school and life with Josh. They are so compatible. They have zero drama, never fight and just have such respect for each other. I am glad to see that for her. It is hard to find.

Cassidy is dating all of Logan haha JK ....but not really. Her social life is great and she seems so happy. She started cosmetology school. She is doing really well. She even had me come in for a facial last week, and she cut Brady's hair. He even let her give him a shave with a straight edge razor. She also got a new SUV which she is loving. She wrecks this one and she is on her own!

Brady is loving High School. He has been working out hard and getting ready for basketball tryouts. He also has straight A's in school! Not that that is a big shock. He is a brain! He has made friends and loves being in Logan. He is seriously the best kid. Just a really nice boy.

I am so lucky to have these kids. I am beyond blessed. They are the best thing I have ever done and the best gift I have ever received. I feel unworthy to be their mother most of the time.

Me ..well same old thing. I am working a ton. Some days I love it , other days I want to run away. I keep busy that is for sure. I think since I moved here I have grown a lot. Life is so different. It feels so nice to be able to support my family and not need anyone to do that. Life is good.

Oliver..yes he gets an update too . He is adjusting well to the cold weather. He hates his sweatshirts though. I hope he will wear them come snow or his little booty is going to be freezing. He gets the honor of the post picture...just because he is so adorable...no other reason.

Hope to update more often. If not..I will be back sooner or later.

a special mention to my daughter in law Jen ...who pointed out my lack of mentioning Brady. She likes to make me cry...haha jk love you Jen.

SCOTT AND JEN MOVED AWAY

2011-08-14T14:17:00.001-07:00

This morning, my son Scott and his wife Jen moved back to Oregon . Scott will be starting his second year of law school at the University of Oregon. He left Logan a year ago, unmarried and going to a town where he did not know a single soul. He goes back this year with his wife. Ready to start a new chapter in his life. He has grown up so quickly all of a sudden. It makes me sad in many ways. I miss the little boy that I one time spent all day with. That made me fall in love with being a mother. I have 4 children, all of whom I love and adore. Scott has a different place in my heart, not better or worse just different. There was a time it was just the 2 of us. I have only had that with him. I beam with pride at who he is now. Even through his silliness and sometimes inappropriateness I see a man I am proud of. I will miss him here in Logan but I am happy to see he has Jen with him to continue his journey. I love them both and I am excited for their married life in Oregon to begin.

JUST SAYING...

2011-06-23T23:51:00.000-07:00

FAMILY TIME

2011-06-17T21:21:00.000-07:00

This week is Summerfest in Logan. It is filled with art, food , live music. it has been perfect weather and we have enjoyed it! we had friend COKE. It is pretty much a funnel cake that is cola flavored, then cola syrup is drizzled over the top. Then whipped cream and cherries. It is so yummy. We had fried oreo's, cheesecake on a stick, Chinese food and a million other good things. We have spent hours there people watching and listening to the live music. i have loved watching little kids dance and run around. It is so nice to have happy times in my life again. I am so so so glad I made the decision to move here. It is the best thing I have ever done for myself and my kids. I will be starting my new job in the next week or so. More on that to come. For now, here are pictures from Summerfest 2011.

MR AND MRS SCOTT FICKLIN

2011-05-31T09:06:00.000-07:00

My son Scott got married 5.28.11. We are so thrilled to have Jen in our family. to see more pictures check out this link..http://izlas.com/blog/?p=2901

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WELCOME TO LOGAN

2011-05-16T10:30:00.000-07:00

the snakes are so nasty

Brady catches the snakes.
arival of the sandbags...first of 3 loads
getting ready to sandbag
our new house
So much has happened since we moved to Logan. First off, we pull up with a truck full of things and all of a sudden there are so many people helping I am almost in tears. They all were neighbors or friends of my son Scott. It was really moving. We had a HUGE moving truck unloaded in 30 minutes. Later that night the people across the street brought us over a delicious dinner of ribs and baked potatoes. They cook out on their fire pit every weekend. It was amazing :)

The next few days were spent unpacking and making the house our home. I have loved it. It looks so pretty. Things changed during the week, the river in my yard is the Blacksmith Fork River. The snow pack on the mountains was 180% and the warm days made the snow melt quicker than usual. The river was flooding. We spend a good part of the weekend sandbagging with the neighbors and trying to protect the houses. Sunday morning about 945 the water cam up through the sewers and flooded the street. Some people had 4 feet of water in their basements. Thankfully we had none. It was a miracle because I am RIGHT on the river. The fire department came and evacuated the whole subdivision. Later in the day we were allowed back home. Some people have a lot of damage. It is so sad. I escaped it so far. I was up most of the night last night , talking to people outside and watching to make sure it is not going to come over the bank.

I love Logan...even with the snakes and the flood and all of the things I am not used to. I feel such a feeling of community here. I feel like I have a LIFE here already. People care about us and each other. I feel that this is without question the place for me to be right now. It feels like home.

THINGS ARE CHANGING

2011-04-09T19:00:00.000-07:00

I am sitting in a hotel in Logan Utah at this moment. I am looking out the window at the snow covered mountains and field between my hotel and the mountain and I am feeling so many things. I am excited for the upcoming move here. I am excited for Scott and Jen's wedding. I am happy about so many things. It is so weird that in the middle of all of the happy , goodness I feel a small tinge of sadness. I guess that is getting to be the "norm" for me now. I am sad to leave the place I grew up. I feel connected to my parents there. I am sad to leave my sister Lori and her kids. I am sad to leave behind memories of where I was married, and became a mother. I am sad that I look back to that time and it is like a movie of someone's life that I do not know. I thought this time in my life would be so different. I thought it would be family building, not rebuilding. I feel so alone and feel more and more alone as time goes. I am so proud of my kids. They are all so amazing and I am so proud of the job I did with them. I am not a perfect mother but I am a good mother and they are the proof. I want to feel happy again. The happy that I used to wake up to and fall asleep to. I hope that I find the happy I am missing in my life in Utah. I have the right to be happy again, to feel whole and good about who I am. Everyone deserves to feel that. I need to put my old life in the past, I need to admit to myself that Chad loves someone else and I will never ever be who he loves again. I need to admit to myself that it is time...to move on..life goes on..even alone.

HOME SWEET HOME

2011-04-01T00:00:00.000-07:00

Since this should be my journal, I decided to post some pics of what my home looks like so someday I can look back at this and remember.

THEY'RE GOING TO THE TEMPLE...

2011-03-24T16:01:00.000-07:00

Here is a sneak peek at Scott and Jen's engagement pictures..I love them!
http://izlas.com/blog/?p=2495

CRUISE 2011

2011-03-13T12:23:00.001-07:00

Well what can i say? My kids are amazing. We had THE best time and we were sad to see it end. People on the ship continuously commented to me what nice kids I have and how nice it is to see them enjoy being together. I am a lucky mom who is thankful everyday for the people that are in my life. Here are some of the pictures from the trip. We missed Scott :( He and Jen will be cruising in May/June for their honeymoon though!

ITS BEEN 365 DAYS

2011-02-19T22:50:00.000-08:00

And I miss you every single day. I love you Mom but I am so glad you are not suffering anymore.

21 THINGS ABOUT TAYLOR

2011-02-13T10:23:00.000-08:00

Taylor will be 21 on Monday. Time sure does fly. I love you Tay.

1. Her full name is Taylor Lauren Ficklin, her nick names are Tay, Tay too, Tay too larue and Chupie.
2. She was due March 7,1990 but was born on Valentine's Day.
3.She was a wild toddler and a TON of work.
4.She was tiny. Even as a freshman in high school she was 4'8" and 70 lbs.
5. She is now 5'8" and 115 lbs
6. She is too smart for her own good.
7. She is by far one of the best people I know.
8. She still loves Hello Kitty
9. She was named after my sister Lori.
10. She adores her little brother most of all.
11.She taught herself how to play the piano and writes her own songs.
12.My father once told my mother that he thought Taylor was one of the most incredible people he ever knew. (my mom told me this).
13.she played basketball in middle school even though she was so small her heart was in it.
14. She was a cheerleader for 6 years.
15. She has a life threatening allergy to all Penicillin spores.
16.She doesn't drink soda because a boyfriend when she was in high school didn't drink it so she stopped too.
17.She has planned on being a doctor since she was 3 years old and is still following that dream.
18.She has been to Canada,Mexico, England, and Israel.
19. When she is sleepy she is GRUMPY, but that is the only time she is.
20. She always sticks to her standards and is true to who she is.
21. I am so proud of her and wonder what I did to end up with such an amazing daughter.
I love you Tay.

MARCH 2011...AHOY

2011-01-12T08:50:00.000-08:00

We will be cruising to Mexico....nothing else to say :)

END OF THE YEAR

2010-12-31T09:11:00.000-08:00

I have not been n very good at updating the past few months. Here is a quick update.

1. We decided NOT to move to Montana. There is no Paul Mitchell for Cassidy to attend.

2. I have a fun new job. I have a friend who owns a dog bakery and I am her baker. I get to make all kinds of fun cookies and treats for dogs. it is so fun and I really like it.

3. We have discovered Brady has a talent as an artist. I am amazed at how easily he can draw something. The kids talents are truly endless.

4. Cassidy has decided to stay in Las Vegas to go to hair school ( Paul Mitchell). I am glad. I was not ready for her to move out just yet

5. Taylor always amazes me. She works so hard in school and always carries more credits then anyone should. On top of that, she runs 3 miles a day and still volunteers in the Mentor program in Logan. She mentored the same little girl for a couple of years. What a lucky little girl.

6. Scott has finished his first semester of law school at the University of Oregon. He is so excited and loves every second of it he has told me.

7. The biggest news is... Scott and Jen are engaged. He popped the big question at Disneyland in front of the castle while we were all there, It was exciting ( and pouring rain). We are all SOOOO excited to have Jen in the family this May.

that is pretty much the big stuff going on right now. I hope this new year will be filled with new wonderful things. 2010 was filled with so much sadness we could all use some happy now. Happy new year everyone...enjoy the pictures!

MONTANA...I THINK YES!

2010-09-13T13:08:00.000-07:00

So after spending some time in Helena last week, I think we have decided to move to Helena Montana. I have gotten where I just do not enjoy living in Vegas. There are MANY people here that used to be in my life, or the lives of my children who are now ruining life for us. It is a shame that a group of people can strip away so much from a family by their actions. They go to sleep at night never even thinking of the things their actions and their words have done.

So...with that being said, we have decided to move. We found an amazing home and the people there are so frienddly. There is nothing in Vegas for us anymore. Both of my parents have died, my marriage is no longer and the above mentioned situation have made it easy to go. I am hopeful my sister will move as well in time but for now, I am putting my life and the life of cassidy and Brady first. The HOPE is to be gone by December 1st. Wish us luck :)

HAWAII JULY 2010

2010-07-22T17:12:00.000-07:00

So we went to Hawaii and had the MOST amazing trip. I took Scott, Taylor, Cassidy, Brady, my niece Chloe and a friends son Evan ( now Cassidy's boyfriend) for 8 days in the sun! We had the best time. These kids are amazing! We spent most of our time at the pool relaxing. We did however go to the diner where the movie "50 first dates" took place...it was CLOSED that day grr. We went and had shave ice, we went to the Dole pineapple plantation and explored the island. Cassidy and Evan went to a luau and we all sat on the beach on the 4th of July and watched a spectacular fireworkds display. We never wanted to leave...but sadly we had to. Our plan is to return in December! Aloha!

GRADUATION DAY

2010-05-17T16:27:00.001-07:00

So after 4 quick ( for me probably not for Scott) years, Scott has graduated from Utah State University. I am so proud of him and could not help but think throughout the day, how proud of him my parents would be. My parents both adored him and were VERY close to him. I know that they would have been there with tears in their eyes if they could have been. Scott will be attending University of Oregon Law School in the fall. How did this boy grow up so fast? He is a great young man and I am so proud to be his mother. I watched my other 3 children look at him with pride as well. It was a great weekend! We had a really fun dinner at Smokin' Blues that night. He has great friends and a great girlfriend. I could not ask for more for Scott. He has always had extraordinary people in his life. He is a lucky kid. I love him so much and I hope he knows there is NOTHING he could do differently that would make me any prouder than I already am. Good job Scotty!!

PROM

2010-04-27T18:29:00.000-07:00

Cassidy went to prom last weekend and had a great time. They went to dinner at Top of the Stratosphere and then saw Blue Man Group. She had a great time and the boy she went with (Michael Pickrell) is a darling boy and a very nice date! They looked GREAT!

SCENTSY ANYONE?

2010-04-27T18:14:00.000-07:00

So I have decided to become a SCENTSY consultant.I am addicted so I might as well feed my habit right? If you are in need of refills , or want to host a party please let me know! I am trying to build up my bussiness and need everyone to help me! I am very excited about it and would love to help you smell and select scents. Just visit my site and order and have it shipped right to you or to someone as a gift. It is great stuff!

scentsy.com/robinficklin

EVEN IF IT IS JUST $1.00

2010-03-23T23:48:00.000-07:00

Please take the time to visit this tribute/fundraising page for my mom http://pff.donordrive.com/participant/loriorchow

SHE WOULD LOVE TO KNOW PEOPLE WERE WILLING TO GIVE SOMETHING TO HELP OTHER PEOPLE WHO SUFFER FROM THIS.

SOMEONE DIES EVERY 13 MINUTES FROM THIS HORRIBLE DISEASE. THE SAME NUMBER OF PEOPLE DIE EACH YEAR FROM IPF AS DO BREAST CANCER. YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW COULD FACE THIS KILLER TOO. PLEASE HELP.

JOANN ORCHOW 12/13/32-02/20/2010

2010-03-03T09:54:00.001-08:00

After a long battle with Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis my mother passed away. The suffering has ended for her, and she no longer has to live life with a tube in her nose and in bed. She went in peace and that is all any of us could hope for. I on the other hand struggle and suffer daily now. I want to pick up the phone and tellher of my pain. How ironic is that? I want to go over to her house, as I did everyday and watch bad daytime TV with her. I want to tell her the same thing over and over because she fogot what i had told her. I want to go to McDonalds and get her ice cream. I look at my oldest sister and I think how unfair it is that she had 15 more years with her then I did. I now that is silly but I do. I am the youngest, I got less time. I know my mom would want us to enjoy life and be kind to each other. I have this struggling anger inside . I want to smash things, break things...scream. My mother had NOTHING else wrong with her. She never smoked and yet she died from a horrible lung disease. Life was unfair to her, and even more to all of us. She was the center of our family and now it is void of the humor and the fun that only my mother brought. I am so proud to call myself her daughter. I will miss my mom every day of my life. I will want my mom every day of my life . I will need my mom every day of my life.

WOW...

2010-01-27T01:45:00.001-08:00

You know who you are...cropping people out of family pictures just makes you look silly and pathetic...get over it already.

HOSPITALS

2010-01-22T06:43:00.000-08:00

I sit and write this from the darkness of my mom's hospital room. I type this on the tiny keyboard of my phone..and I can't help but think how thankful I am for medical technology. the machines that beep ..beep..beep..beep..are the windows into her health. it is amazing to see what they can use to monitor her..and at the same time,so frustrating that they can't just fix her :( it is a strange,horrible cycle a person goes through. we start out helpless and dependent..to end up helpless and dependent. I remember being a sick little girl and my mother saying " I would trade places with you if I could". I feel that way now. I would gladly take this on for her if I could. watching her suffer and having her tell me that the fight isn't worth it anymore,is sometimes more than I can take. so as I listen to the beep...beep...beep..i remember the nights she sat up when I was sick and think to myself " I wish I could do this for you". I love you mom.

BUSY...

2010-01-01T16:36:00.000-08:00

I have looked at this page a few times lately and have tried to think of what to write. There just is not much time to get things into words that justify what I feel somedays ..so an update list of my thoughts lately might work best.

1. My mother is still ill, obviously. We needed a medication for her that was only available in Japan . We did everything we could to get it for her. She is now taking it and doing well. She said today she felt better then she had in months.

2. The kids...Scott has been accepted into 2 law schools as of right now. Still waiting to hear from 10 others. We are so excited and proud of him. Taylor has changed so much. It makes me sad in many ways to see my daughter become a person I no longr know. I hope it is a phase and she will find herself again. regardless, I Hope that she knows I love her so much I can not express it. Cassidy is doing GREAT! Over the SILLY boy and she has realized that there are many other boys out there. She also has come to see that people ( and their families) are not always who they claim to be. It has been a learning period for her and she now sees she is very strong and does not need his strength, she has her own. Brady is the same as always bright and sweet and funny. What a great great child.

3. The bad economy has effected so many people and it hurts to see everyone I love and know strugle in one way or another.

4. My ex husband is still the person I depend on most in the world. He still to this day has NEVER let me down. I sleep well at night knowing he is always there for me.

5. I am starting my own company. I am making home made all organic food for dogs. So far it is a hit with all testers. If you want to try some out for me let me know! I will be calling it "don't make me beg".

6. I love my neice and nephew as much as I do my own children. Those are not just words. I really do.

7. The holidays go by so quickly now. I miss having little ones to shop for. Grandkids...someday.

8. I measure time in the death of my father. I find that when I try to remember when something happened, I place it in time to when my father died. I ask myself if he was alive or if the event happened after his death. It makes me sad to be without him.

9. I need to remember to take more pictures of my family. I am so terrible about it.

10. I need to write on here more so that I do not resort to lists.

I hope that everyone has a wonderful 2010...we all need it!

CHRISTMAS

2009-12-04T18:26:00.001-08:00

Not feeling much of the Christmas Spirit. I need a boost. Maybe I need to do some baking or something. I need Santa to bring me some CHEER!

OPEN YOUR MOUTH AND SAY "AHHHH"

2009-11-13T12:42:00.000-08:00

So after being in bed for a week straight with some type of flue ( I will not admit to swine flu) I thought I was finally going to get out of the house...WRONG! Cassidy woke up yesterday morning with Strep. I did not know what it was at the time but her breathing seemed weird, as well as her coloring and she was whimpering in pain. I decided to take her to the doctor so that she would be feeling better by today ( HER BIRTHDAY). After doing a strep test, I mentioned to the doctor that she had complained that her heart was racing. After examining her, we were told the strep had moved into her heart. We were placed on house quarantine, due to the highly contagious nature of the strep. She was having trouble breathing and swallowing her own saliva. If it got even the slightest bit worse, she was to go right to the hospital to be admitted. She is doing a little better today, still looks terrible but seems to be a little more lucid. Not a fun way to spend her 17th birthday! The women from church as so sweet and are bringing us dinner tonight. It is a small gesture that means soooo much to me right now!! To all of you who know Cassidy's medical history...this is typical of what happens to her. BLAH! Keep her in your prayers!

23 YEARS

2009-11-01T09:39:00.001-08:00

Today would have been my 23 wedding anniversary. This is my first one since the divorce. Very strange. Very sad. I will always love Chad, I guess the old saying is true ...sometimes Love just is not enough.

ALL ABOARD

2009-11-01T09:33:00.000-08:00

Lori and I went to Bermuda and we had an amazing time. To be honest, the ship could have stayed in Boston and we would not have cared. We just had so much fun being silly. We were very involved in every game, show, contest and activity on the ship. We even won Trivia Championship for the ship. It was so fun! I love my sister and I can not wait until the 18th of November when we go to Florida for another cruise!!!

I HAVE STEPPED OUT OF MY LIFE...

2009-10-20T10:23:00.000-07:00

In Bermuda .....Be back in a week.

TEN THINGS I AM THANKFUL FOR

2009-10-16T20:32:00.001-07:00

I have come to realize that in the last 6 weeks or so, I have been so sad, no negative and feeling quite angry that I have far from a perfect life. I compare everything to my past..I was married to a great man, with 4 great kids, a beautiful home, amazing friends, great sisters, a brother I love, 2 living healthy parents. I was living the American Dream...things change. Time goes by, people change, friends move, family grows apart, parents die..marriages end. But As the name of my blog states...LIFE GOES ON. It is time for me to see that good I have and start living life in the best way that I can. I need to be an example to my children, that they can see that sometimes from the darkest times, good things can come and the sun really will rise and hearts heal. So...I have many things to be thankful for but here are 10 that I feel I should share.

10. I have friends. They may not be the ones that I have had my whole life and many are new in my life but they are good, and loyal people and I expect to have them in my life for a very long time. Alexis, Christy, Michelle, Matt J. , Arlene...I love you all.

9. My house. I need to think about how lucky I am to have a home and I love the one I have. It is not palatial but it is fine for the 3 of us and for now.

8. Laughter. I forget about it sometimes, but it is there deep inside and I plan on using it a lot more often.

7. My cell phone. It keeps me connected to my friends and I am so glad I have it. It is something we all take for granted but it sure makes life easier.

6. The friends of my children. I know that they all have great people in their lives, that are amazing examples to them. I know so many people who worry about their children's friends. I never have to. And even the ex bf that might not know it but I am thankful for you Cody and the example you have been to everyone, most of all Brady who looks up to you.still. We miss you.

5. A man who actually put hope back into my heart. It is a VERY new friendship but even with it's newness I feel hope and this has made me feel very hopeful that I can find happiness again.

4. Church. I may not always show the people that know me well how much it means to me, but I have found in the past month that that is where I turn when I feel like I need a hand in this.

3. My sisters, my children and my brother. I love them and it is a solid reassurance that no matter what, we are here for one another and I love them so much.

2. My mom. I am so sad to see her slowly suffer more and more each day. I would trade places with her if I could. I hope she knows how much I love and admire her.

1. Me. I am who I am..and it is because of the blessings in my life. I will never regret who I am again. I will move on and learn from my past. I will try not to make the same mistakes again..and I will grow from the pain and the darkness. This is MY life and I have the right to live it, and to be happy again.

HAVE NOT BEEN FEELING IT

2009-10-04T16:26:00.000-07:00

So I have not been feeling like posting lately. I have had a lot on my mind but nothing clear enough to post. I will find it in myself again ,soon I hope. Until then, here are some pictures of cassidy that I thought I would share.

LIFE

2009-09-20T13:36:00.000-07:00

I was noticing that the past 3 posts on here were sad. I guess that is what I am feeling the past few weeks. I am learning to get past the divorce and I am really ok with it. I have been sad to see both of my girls recently hurt in relationships. Seeing them sad has been more painful to me then my divorce. I mean haven't they been through enough already? I have a lot of admiration for the strength that they have to power on through things. Heartache doesn't last forever but at the time, it seems as though it will. All I can do is hope that the pain is brief and leaves no scars.

I hope to see some light at the end of this very long tunnel very soon. I have been told we are not given more than we can handle...I think we are all at that point. Is it our turn for some happiness yet? I will focus on the good, and try to forget all that we have lost the past 4 years. I will try. We will try. We will be ok.

HEARTBREAK OF A TEENAGER

2009-09-14T14:30:00.000-07:00

Both of my daughters have recently been hurt and are feeling sad. I hate feeling and being helpless. I would gladly take the pain from them if I could. These are hard lessons you need to learn as young women but it is hard to watch it. I hope they both know that I love them and know that better things will come to them. I just wish they could see the future and how it all really does work out. I love you girls.

Love and relationships are truly one of the most paradoxical aspects of being human. For it is in love that we find the greatest of strengths and the deepest of sorrows. Love can seem to be so fleeting and unachievable yet it remains well within our reach if we only learn how to embrace it's power. To experience true love, we must be willing to open ourselves up and sacrifice part of our heart and part of our soul. We must be willing to give of ourselves freely, and we must be willing to suffer. It is only when we expose our inner selves to the white hot flame of rejection, that love can burn so brightly as to join two souls, melting the two into one, creating a bond that joins forever. It is from this bond that we draw strength eternal and power ever lasting. It is in this thing that we call love that we find the means to achieve greatness, both in ourselves and in our lives.

NOTHING TO SAY...JUST REMEMBER

2009-09-11T11:47:00.001-07:00

SAD

2009-09-08T16:21:00.000-07:00

Today I feel so sad. I am not sure why. Nothing major has happened. I feel sad though. I miss my father. I have really missed my marriage lately and everything has reminded me of how things were when he was not acting like the person he has become. I miss my kids who are away at school. I miss feeling like a "mommy" . The kids are getting older and need me less and less. I guess that I feel a little like I am unloved. I miss feeling like I was important and belonged to someone. I am sad that I feel such disgust for the people that used to be family to my children and have not sent a card, an email or placed a phone call to any of my kids in I have no idea how long. I am sad that my kids say that they do not even mind that that part of their family has forgotten them. Brady said to me the other day "It is their loss. We are not missing out on anything. They are always saying mean things about other people." . He is wrong, they are missing out on family. I loved that my kids had cousins and grandparents and aunts and uncles that were in their lives. I am sad because I think my children must feel forgotten and unimportant. It is a horrible way to feel, I feel that way from the same people. So maybe as I sit and write this, I DO know why I am sad. I miss the people that are gone from my life, even the people that I should not mind life without. I wish my dad was here...he would make me see things how I should. I am sad...

SCOTT NEEDS AN INTERVENTION

2009-09-04T19:46:00.000-07:00

My son Scott has a serious problem when it comes to college sports. For years I thought it was a passing thing and in time he would kind of move past it. I was so wrong! He gets worse and worse with each passing season. Yesterday I woke up to a text from him that read.."it's here, it's here,it's here, it's here" over and over again. I sent back one asking him " what is here" His reply " football season!" He even admits it is a tad bit disturbing. I feel so badly for his wife, if he can find someone to marry him in between regular season and play offs of any given sport. I have said, I think the child would watch law darts if it was on ESPN.

After church last Sunday, he and some friends camped out over night in line to get football tickets. There was only 100 to be had. He stayed up all night long ( texting me through out the night) , went to class and to work with NO SLEEP. Now this would be stupid/impressive enough on its own but here is the "kicker"...he already had tickets. He just had to be that much closer to USU football. So here is picture of my sports crazed son. I love this boy so much and I sure hope that someday his wife can love in in spite of his first true love..college sports.

NEW CLOTHES FOR ME? YES!

2009-09-02T11:35:00.000-07:00

I never ever buy myself anything new. Unless I am walking through Target or something and grab a few new T- shirts. I decided I needed a change! Here are a few of the things I ordered last week for myself. The blue sweater below I actually got in a caramel color that matches the flower on the cute little shoes, and yes I ordered a belt. Have I ever even had a belt before? I have no idea but its about time to feel better about myself and this is a start! When the UPS knocked on my door I was so excited! It felt like Christmas. Nothing better than buying myself a few new things.! Next week....I start going to the gym!

PRIVATE

2009-08-28T20:28:00.000-07:00

I AM GOING PRIVATE IN A WEEK OR SO. MY EX IN LAWS TEND TO GET ON HERE FOR SOME REASON AND SNOOP AND I FIGURE THIS WILL END THEIR ODD CURIOSITY WITH WHAT IS GOIN ON IN MY LIFE. I LOVE HAVING BLOG READERS SO PLEASE SEND ME YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS AND I WOULD LOVE TO ADD YOU. IF I KNOW YOU OR NOT :) THANKS!

MY MOM

2009-08-17T11:25:00.001-07:00

I love this picture taken on Saturday. 3 of my 4 kids were still in California with my mom. Just a candid picture but I love it. My mom is still so beautiful.

SAN DIEGO

2009-08-12T10:44:00.000-07:00

I just spent 10 days in San Diego with Cassidy , Brady, my niece Chloe, my sister Pam, my mom and her friend Milt. Scott and Taylor were there at the end of the trip but by then we had gotten over taken pictures. We had a great time and we did not want to go home. I think I have also decided that I will make the move to Del Mar and not to Idaho. My sister Pam lives there now right on the beach and we decided that the two of us would have a great time if we moved there too so as it looks right now, next August we will be moving to the beach! Here are some random pictures of our vacation!

Oceanside

Chloe was not allowed in the "shark infested ocean" .

Brady at Sealife park in Carlsbad

The kids at dinner in Coronado

Pam at dinner

Mom and Milt at dinner

Brady learned to surf and is amazing!!!

The girls at the beach house

Sea World..front row at the Shamu show..they were soaked!

Brady and Cassidy at Point Loma

The store was called "Cassidy"

Oceanside

The girls loved the rental car!

MORE FROM CAMP..

2009-07-22T20:40:00.000-07:00

Taylor got to celebrate a pretend birthday at camp. They have a Valentine's Day Part in July and since her birthday is on valentine's Day, they celebrated her day!

HOME SCHOOL

2009-07-20T11:14:00.000-07:00

I hear so many horror stories about middle school these days. I am so glad that I have stuck to schooling Brady myself for middle school. I know some people think Home schooled kids are weird, eat granola, sew their own socks, and live in a cave but it just is not the case. I use a great program called K-12 and after taking all of the standardized tests for CCSD, Brady is well past the "beyond expectations" range and finished 6th grade with 100% in every subject. He is an amazing kid and I love the time we have together at school each day. I will send him to regular high school but for now this works great. We go to the library on Monday and always stop for a shaved ice after. Anyone else considering doing the at home thing, I say go for it. It takes work but the outcome is so worth it! Back to school August 24th ...can't wait!

TAYLOR AT CAMP

2009-07-13T22:19:00.000-07:00

This is another picture of Taylor at camp. She was going to the snowflake dance. I need to have a professional photographer follow my other kids around as well. I have no pics of my other kids!

BOISE IS WHERE I WANT TO BE

2009-07-04T17:46:00.001-07:00

So as some of you know, when Cassidy is finished with high school, my plan is to move to Boise Idaho. This is the house I am planning on buying. I am sure it will be sold by then but wow what a deal and they are abundant there. GET ME OUT OF VEGAS !

Like the outside isn't great enough...look at this kitchen!!!

2 more years!

PICTURES FROM CAMP

2009-07-03T20:04:00.000-07:00

Taylor is loving being the rock climbing instructor at camp! I am so proud of her. It is just another one of the things she has done that makes me so proud. She is doing a great job I am sure. It is truly the first time she has been "on her own". When she went to Kindergarten Scott was at the same school. When she went to Middle School , She went to a private school where Scott was there as a Freshman in high school. When she went to High school, he was there with her. When she went off to college at USU...Scott was there. I had never really looked at it that way until one night I got a late night text from Scott saying how he felt strange about her going off and his being there. He told me he contacted his friends that were at camp ( he was an archery instructor there 2 summers ago) and asked them to keep an eye on her. I know I say how amazing my kids are all of the time but seriously how great are my kids!! Anyway, here are a few candid pictures I took from thew camp website of Tay doing her thing. They are lucky to have her there.

I MISS YOU DAD

2009-06-21T11:18:00.001-07:00

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY~I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU EVERY SINGLE DAY

THEY GROW UP...AND KEEP LEAVING!

2009-06-14T11:11:00.000-07:00

So I feel sad today. My second oldest, Taylor 19 left today...again. She left last summer to attend college in Utah. It took me a few weeks to get past being sad. Don't get me wrong, I was thrilled for her! I was sad for me. So all year I knew she would spend the summer at home with us and I would have her back, for a while at least. Well, being the amazing person that she is, an AMAZING camp called Gold Arrow ( I attended as a child and so did my kids) has hired her to be their rock climbing instructor. It is a wonderful opportunity for her and I know she loves the smell of the trees, campfires and she adores little kids. She will be in heaven. I on the other hand will miss her like crazy. Why cant they just stay little? I have tried to talk them into this but they just do not seem to agree. I still have the other 3 at home, for now. Until Scott leaves again...this is his LAST summer home before law school and the life of a big boy...ugg do not even get me started on that. I love you Tay....and I am so proud of you. P.S. Scott school called they said stay home lol just kidding...kinda

SWINE FLU CRUISE

2009-06-03T10:01:00.000-07:00

The cruise was so much fun! Me, my BFF since Middle School Ronni, My cousin Melanie, My mom and Pam went to Mexico and had a blast. We laughed until we cried, ate, watched people make fools of themselves and relaxed. This should be a yearly event. We are going to Iceland in December. That will be a great adventure!

ON THE CRUISE

2009-05-07T10:14:00.001-07:00

Pictures to follow..Bon Voyage!!!

NO SWINE FLU FOR US!

2009-04-30T13:01:00.000-07:00

So on whim my friend of 28 years Ronni and I decided we wanted to go on a cruise. We booked a girls only trip and have been so excited. In all of our excitement my mom, cousin Melanie and 2 of my sisters have decided to join us. We have all been so excited. My sister Pam in all of her creativity even has had shirts made for us all to wear ( no idea what they say , I can only imagine). So as we have enjoyed the countdown to disembarkation we have been haunted by the news and the stupid SWINE FLU infecting Mexico...GAHHHHH!! Why does this stuff always happen?? Well, Carnival has just rerouted us and we still are set to leave on May 7th so whooo hooo here we come...NO SWINE FLU FOR US!!!
KEEP THE SWINE AWAY!

DINNER AT JOE'S CRAB SHACK TO CELEBRATE AMAZING REPORT CARDS!!

2009-04-17T20:57:00.000-07:00

FLAIR

2009-03-31T10:16:00.000-07:00

People have sent me these...they crack me up!

I LOVE

2009-03-30T14:35:00.001-07:00

Last thing you ate: DRIED FRUIT IN THE CAR COMING BACK FROM CALIFORNIA.

Last thing you said: I GUESS GOOD BYE. I WAS ON THE PHONE WITH TAYLOR AND I HOPE I SAID GOOD BYE :)

Last thing you bought: BESIDES THE DRIED FRUIT...CUTE PAIL PINK NAIL POLISH THAT I THOUGHT WOULD BE CUTE FOR CASSIDY AND TAYLOR'S TOES.

Favorite place to buy shoes: DEPENDS WHAT KIND..BUT NORDSTROMS USUALLY COVERS IT.

Biggest Fear: SOMETHING THAT WILL HURT MY KIDS. I ALWAYS WORRY THAT SOMEONE WILL GRAB THEM AND HARM THEM. I DO NOT THINK I COULD HANDLE IT.

Favorite dressing: I AM A BLUE CHEESE GIRL. UNLESS I AM EATING SOME SPECAIL SALAD THAT HAS ITS OWN YUMMY DRESSING

Something that bothers you: I DO NOT LIKE IT WHEN PEOPLE WILL NOT BACK UP WHAT THEY SAY. IF YOU ARE GOING TO GOSSIP/BACK STAB AT LEAST ADMIT TO WHAT YOU SAY.

Favorite cereal: I LOVE LUCKY CHARMS. I THINK IT TRULY IS MAGICALLY DELECIOUS

Good Habit: I HOLD THE DOOR OPEN FOR PEOPLE COMING INTO STORES AND THINGS. SOMETIMES THEY ARE TOO FAR AWAY BUT THEN I WORRY I AM BEING RUDE BECAUSE I DIDN'T WAIT FOR THEM. IT IS DUMB AND PROBABLY NOBODY WOULD NOTICE BUT I STAND AND HOLD THE DOOR EVEN IF THEY ARE 100 FEET AWAY

Bad Habit: I SAY WHAT I THINK. I KNOW MANY PEOPLE THINK I AM TOO OUTSPOKEN AND I SPEAK WITHOUT THINKING. I JUST HAVE TO SAY WHAT I THINK IS RIGHT. I OFFEND PEOPLE AT TIMES BUT I AM A FIRM BELIEVER THAT YOU STAND UP FOR WHAT YOU THINK IS RIGHT. SOMETIMES IT GETS PEOPLE MAD AT ME THOUGH.

Favorite Place: OTHER THAN THE OBVIOUS (WHEREVER FAMILY IS) I LOVE TO BE ON VACATION.I KNOW THAT IS REALLY GENERAL BUT I DO LOVE TO GO JUST ABOUT ANYWHERE. I LOVE A NICE HOTEL. IF THERE WAS A 5 STAR HOTEL IN BARSTOW, I WOULD BE OK THERE. I JUST LOVE A GREAT HOTEL. OOOOH SO MAYBE I WILL SAY THE WINDAM IN CARB...AMAZING!

Favorite beverage: DIET CHERRY VANILLA DR. PEPPER...THEY STOPPED MAKING IT THOUGH GRRR

If you could change something what would it be: WELL SINCE THIS IS MEANT TO BE FRIVOLOUS AND NOT DEEP, I WOULD SAY I WOULD CHANGE THE SIZE JEANS I WEAR. I WOULD BE HAPPY TO BE A SOLID 8

be invisible or fly: INVISIBLE...HOW FUN IS THAT?

Something that makes you laugh: WHEN A BABY BELLY LAUGHS. I SERIOUSLY LOVE IT. IT MAKES ME CRACK UP AND I LOVE THAT INNOCENT HEARTFELT LAUGH!

SADIES PREVIEW

2009-03-24T10:22:00.000-07:00

How do they go from this...

to this....

They have been Best Friends since they were 7 years old. To see them all grown up and dating is crazy. I am so proud of who they have both grown up to be.

Last weekend Cassidy and her boyfriend Cody and her best friend Danika and her boyfriend Jake went to Sadies. Here is a sampling of the pictures we had taken. More to come.

I WISH I HAD LITTLE GIRLS

2009-03-13T12:50:00.000-07:00

I ran across this site today and fell in love with these flowers. I know they are made for anyone but I think they are so adorable on little girls. I had to share this. Visit her site and take a look at how darling her flowers are. I may get brave enough to order one for myself for summer. I just loved them and wanted to share!!

http://miamoodesigns.blogspot.com/

VALENTINES DAY WITH CASSIDY

2009-02-15T20:44:00.000-08:00

Cassidy and I spent Valentine's Day redecorating her room. We went to Home Depot with no vision and just bought paint to match the bedding we just bought and painters tape and hoped for the best. We got home, and just decided to start taping. We had never painted before but we think it turned out pretty cute. What do you think? I love it!

TAYLOR

2009-02-13T09:56:00.000-08:00

Taylor is going to school in Logan Utah and loves it. I feel like she has grown in so many ways and I am so proud of how hard she works. She was always an amazing student, all honors and AP classes, Varsity diving team, varsity cheerleader , practicing UP TO 30 hours a week. She also worked part time at a gym called FitWiz 4 kids. She was always busy and still kept was an A student, even receiving a scholastic scholarship to Utah State. Only one thing was missing there for her...cheerleading. I figured it wouldn't take long for her to find a way to practice . She went to the gym to work out with some boys who know how to stunt and she sent me a picture. I thought I would share it. It is good to see her doing what she loves. She is so much more than a great cheerleader, she is a great person. She will be 19 on Valentine's Day , I love you Taylor and I am amazed everyday at who you are. HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHEWIE.

BORA BORA HERE WE COME!!

2009-02-07T21:45:00.000-08:00

My sister Lori and I have committed to take our kids on a family trip to Bora Bora. The white sand, and over the water bungalows have been calling to us for years. After the 20 day cruise to Hawaii with the kids, we decided that we needed to do more of these dream vacations with the kids. So it is still in the planning stages but we are planning our trip wooo hooo...

5 HOURS IS ALL THEY NEED

2009-01-22T13:30:00.000-08:00

I am helping stuff backpacks with food on Wed January 28, for the 3 square food bank. This gives kids who might not have a meal over the weekend ( because they receive free lunches during the week at school) , food. I would love to get some friends to come and help out as well .It is only from 930-1130 am . Go to the site and sign up. Let me know if you do and we can go together.

http://www.volunteercentersn.org/projects/viewProject.php?_mode=occurrenceView&_action=load&ixActivity=64&_clearFlag=specialevent&_clearFlag=course&ixFeed=6

MY MOM-Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis

2009-01-16T21:42:00.000-08:00

This week, my mother was placed on the lung transplant list at UCLA. Wow..that is a tough sentence to write. While shedding many tears on the phone with my sister Lori, she asked me "did you really think mom would be around forever?". I answered honestly " yes". It is the way I feel. I expect her to always be there to pick up when I call, to go to target and walk around, to meet at Nordstoms for lunch, to listen to me complain when I have had a hard day. The reality is...she wont be. My mom has a very rare, non explainable cronic lung disease. She will NOT be here forever and I am so sad and so afraid. I lost my father less than 3 years ago. This is a huge reminder of how hard that was. It affected every single aspect of my life. My friends, my kids, my marriage, all suffered while I was helping care for my dying father. I just have never really recovered from that and now here we areagain...faced with the mortality of a parent. I feel cheated and I am not even sure in what way. I love my mother more than I can simply put into words. She is my best friend and I am heartbroken at the thought of this whole ride..again. I pray for a lung for her, and at the same time I feel so guilty that in my happiness if that should happen, someone else will be so sad. I just felt the need to share this. I will keep everyone updated. To anyone who knows my mom....you know these pictures are just a quick glimpse at who she is. I love you mom.
On the cruise to Hawaii

San Diego January 2009

ONE ARMED KIDS

2008-12-30T19:31:00.000-08:00

So I sat down to look at my saved pictures on my computer and I found a hilarious sampling of what my daughters and my niece do with their cameras. I think girls this age are obsessed with odd pictures of themselves. I felt the need to share.

This is Cassidy and my 13 year old niece Chloe.

This is them again....notice my daughter has no right arm ? It seems to be missing in every picture...maybe due to the fact shes taking pictures of herself?

Notice...it is also missing in a picture of her and her boyfriend Cody. hmmm...

Still no arm...

this is a great example of who they are together. I love them both..even with missing limbs.

How weird, shes in the car with Taylor and Taylor looks very upset with the thought of Cassidy never having a right arm...

She seems to find it when there is someone there to take the picture . Gotta love the plaid Pj bottoms, uggs and a little boys superman shirt.

I think having sister, friends, cousins and even a fun boyfriend to take pictures of is great. I love how fun and happy Cassidy is. Anyone who knows her knows that if you are around her you will always be laughing. She is a huge blessing to me and I hope she knows it. I love you Cacka da wack.

This is a cute picture of Scott's girlfriend Blair and Taylor and Scott at Blairs sisters reception. These are my children looking normal...

Here are the girls a few years ago. One of my favorite pictures, even if cassidys arm is missing in this too.

This is Taylor and 2 of her room mates from school. I am so proud of all of my children. If I have done one thing right in my life, it is with my kids. I have the most amazing children and I hope they all know how much I love them. Limbs or not :)

2008-12-02T20:30:00.000-08:00

this is Brady and I'm bored so i am posting pictures of my turtles

The kids

2008-12-01T13:15:00.000-08:00

I am so bad about taking pictures! I love to have them but I am terrible at remembering to capture moments. I had Brittney Dye ( an AMAZING photographer) take some pictures of the kids the day after Thanksgiving. She does great work and if you are interested in having her shoot some pictures from you, let me know and I will get you her information. Thanks again Brittney I LOVE THEM!!

FRAME THE ALPHABET

2008-11-21T13:37:00.000-08:00

This is the cutest gift ever! I came across this site and I have to share it. You can custom order any word you want. I simply LOVE these prints.

Not only are they amazing, the owners are great people. I left a simple comment telling them how much I loved their work, and they took the time to call me and thank me for the comment. If everyone took a few minutes from their day to be that kind, the world would be in much better shape.

Take a few minutes and look at their site. It lets you play with the letters and create your own signs. What a great gift for anyone.

http://framethealphabet.com/

CASSIDY IS FINALLY 16

2008-11-13T14:18:00.000-08:00

Today Cassidy is finally 16! She has been waiting for this day since she was old enough to know that 16 is how old she needs to be to officially date. I can not believe how fast the time has gone. She has changed so much from this little girl into the young woman I am so proud of. How does she go from the little girl with the soccer ball to the girl with the boy ? Why cant we just stop time and keep them little? I love you Cassidy....have a great day!!

Hamburger Helper anyone?

2008-11-08T17:48:00.000-08:00

So I had to share this. I ran across this site http://www.heavenlyhostess.com/ and I think these are the most amazing aprons ever. I mean, why not feel ultra glam even in the middle of the week when you are just making sloppy joes or Hamburger Helper? I think everyone needs one of these. They have a ton of different style. It would be a great Christmas gift. Thought I would share :)

MY DAD

2008-11-03T00:39:00.001-08:00

I would give anything for 5 minutes with MY dad today. I miss him everyday but life is hard right now and I know if I had him to go to, I would feel capable of life. To everyone who's father is still alive, take a minute right now and tell him you love him. I would give up anything for a hug and some advice from my dad. . I love you dad.

Where does the time go..

2008-10-21T20:59:00.000-07:00

I just don't know where the years have gone. I remember so vividly thinking to myself "when will these kids grow up so i can get some sleep?". This past weekend, my oldest son Scott baptized my youngest son Brady. I can not believe that they are so old now. I think of Scott still as the little boy who crawled into bed with my father . There was no place he would rather have been. I know now, at 20, he would do anything for one more chance to do that with his grandpa. February will be 3 years since my father passed away. I know that he wouldnt even be able to find words for the pride he would feel in Scott. Scott was the biggest joy in my father's life. I know that he would be proud of the example Scott is to Brady. I want everyone to know that Scott is an amazing young man and I am so proud of the person he is. Scott, Grandpa would be so proud of you. Never ever forget who you are. I love you.

ON THE MIND OF ROBIN

2008-10-21T10:55:00.000-07:00

I am... STILL TRYING TO FIGURE OUT THIS WHOLE BLOG THING. I LOVE IT, YET IT DRIVES ME INSANE AT THE SAME TIME..GRRR.. I dont... HAVE THE CARPET IN MY HOUSE I WISH I DID. MY LAST HOME HAD DARK BROWN AND I JUST LOVED IT. I PRETTY MUCH HATE MY CARPET AND THINK ABOUT RIPPING IT OUT BY HAND DAILY. I shall... GET A NEW CAR SOONER OR LATER. THIS ONE IS PAID OFF AND I HATE THE THOUGHT OF STARTING THAT ALL OVER AGAIN . I honestly... NEED TO LIVE ON SLIMFAST. I FEEL ULTRA FAT TODAY. I went... TO CASSIDY'S FOOTBALL GAME LAST FRIDAY NIGHT TO WATCH HER CHEER. IT MADE ME GLAD NOT TO BE IN HIGH SCHOOL. THE GIRLS ARE MEAN, THE BOYS ARE STUPID AND THE CLOTHES ARE JUST UGLY. I crave... A TRIP TO HAWAII. I WANT TO LAY ON THE BEACH AND DO NOTHING FOR ABOUT ..UMMM 4O YEARS OR SO. I love... MY FAMILY. MY KIDS, MY SISTERS AND MY MOM. WITHOUT THEM, I THINK I WOULD BE IN A CORNER DROOLING SOMEWHERE. WHEN LIFE GETS HARD, THEY ARE WHO MAKES ME REMEMBER I AM BLESSED IN A MILLION WAYS. I LOVE YOU GUYS. I think... AS SOON AS CASSIDY IS FINISHED WITH HIGH SCHOOL, I WILL MOVE TO UTAH. I HATE LAS VEGAS AND HAVE NOTHING REALLY HERE SO I WANT TO MOVE. YAY SOUNDS GOOD! I bit... BABY HAYDEN'S CHUBBY LEGS. NOT HARD JUST ENOUGH TO MAKE HER LAUGH...AND FOR ME TO GET THE JOY OF A FAT NEWBORN BABY'S CHUNKY THIGH. I feel... I SHOULD HAVE SLOWED DOWN WHEN MY KIDS WERE LITTLE AND SAVORED EVERY HOLIDAY. HALLOWEEN IS HERE AND I NO LONGER BUY THE COSTUMES FROM TARGET AND GET TO BUY THOSE LITTLE PLASTIC PUMPKIN PAILS. I MISS THAT. MY KIDS ALL HAVE GONE TO USING PILLOW CASES OR TARGET BAGS. I HATE THE KIDS THAT DO THAT AND NOW MINE DO. I HAVE FAILED AS A MOTHER! I watched... THE TODAY SHOW THIS MORNING AND DECIDED VERY FEW WOMEN SHOULD WEAR PEEP TOE SHOES. MOST PEOPLE LOOK RIDICULOUS IN THEM. I THINK YOU NEED TO BE UNDER 28 TO PULL THEM OFF. I suddenly... WISH I WAS UNDER 28 SO I COULD HAVE THE CHOICE TO WEAR PEEP TOES. I NOW FEEL OLD AND KNOW THAT I CAN'T WEAR THEM. EVEN THOUGH I HAVE NO DESIRE, I WOULD LIKE THE CHOICE . I hope... IT TURNS TO FALL SOON. I AM SO SICK OF THE HEAT. I HAVE LIVED HERE MY WHOLE LIFE AND YET THE HEAT STILL ANGERS ME. I am..GOING TO PUT CLOTHES IN THE DRYER AND LEAVE THE WORLD OF BLOGGING AND RETURN TO MY LIFE. WISH ME LUCK :)

2008-10-13T10:55:00.001-07:00

This...is Scott. He lives for college football. I think He may just try and find an excuse to never graduate so that he can continue to attend Utah State games forever. He is an amazing young man and I could not be more proud of him than I am. I did something right because I have 4 of the most incredible children ever. I love you all so much!

2008-10-13T10:47:00.000-07:00

This is Hawaii! We had an amazing time. We cruised for 2 weeks and went to all of the islands. I think it is truly a trip the kids will never forget!

Brady is my genius. He teaches us all something new everyday. Life with no Brady would be booorrring! He will change the world one day...trust me!

2008-10-13T10:43:00.000-07:00

So this is pretty much Taylor and Cassidy rolled into one picture. They are weird, love to take pictures of themselves in the mirror, and they both love cheerleading.

I love these girls and I have to say that having girls in a huge blessing. They are amazing and I wouldnt know what to do without them. I love you 2.