Life as it goes...The next chapter begins...

I was noticing that the past 3 posts on here were sad. I guess that is what I am feeling the past few weeks. I am learning to get past the divorce and I am really ok with it. I have been sad to see both of my girls recently hurt in relationships. Seeing them sad has been more painful to me then my divorce. I mean haven't they been through enough already? I have a lot of admiration for the strength that they have to power on through things. Heartache doesn't last forever but at the time, it seems as though it will. All I can do is hope that the pain is brief and leaves no scars. I hope to see some light at the end of this very long tunnel very soon. I have been told we are not given more than we can handle...I think we are all at that point. Is it our turn for some happiness yet? I will focus on the good, and try to forget all that we have lost the past 4 years. I will try. We will try. We will be ok.

Both of my daughters have recently been hurt and are feeling sad. I hate feeling and being helpless. I would gladly take the pain from them if I could. These are hard lessons you need to learn as young women but it is hard to watch it. I hope they both know that I love them and know that better things will come to them. I just wish they could see the future and how it all really does work out. I love you girls. Love and relationships are truly one of the most paradoxical aspects of being human. For it is in love that we find the greatest of strengths and the deepest of sorrows. Love can seem to be so fleeting and unachievable yet it remains well within our reach if we only learn how to embrace it's power. To experience true love, we must be willing to open ourselves up and sacrifice part of our heart and part of our soul. We must be willing to give of ourselves freely, and we must be willing to suffer. It is only when we expose our inner selves to the white hot flame of rejection, ...

Today I feel so sad. I am not sure why. Nothing major has happened. I feel sad though. I miss my father. I have really missed my marriage lately and everything has reminded me of how things were when he was not acting like the person he has become. I miss my kids who are away at school. I miss feeling like a "mommy" . The kids are getting older and need me less and less. I guess that I feel a little like I am unloved. I miss feeling like I was important and belonged to someone. I am sad that I feel such disgust for the people that used to be family to my children and have not sent a card, an email or placed a phone call to any of my kids in I have no idea how long. I am sad that my kids say that they do not even mind that that part of their family has forgotten them. Brady said to me the other day "It is their loss. We are not missing out on anything. They are always saying mean things about other people." . He is wrong, they are missing out on family. I loved tha...

My son Scott has a serious problem when it comes to college sports. For years I thought it was a passing thing and in time he would kind of move past it. I was so wrong! He gets worse and worse with each passing season. Yesterday I woke up to a text from him that read.."it's here, it's here,it's here, it's here" over and over again. I sent back one asking him " what is here" His reply " football season!" He even admits it is a tad bit disturbing. I feel so badly for his wife, if he can find someone to marry him in between regular season and play offs of any given sport. I have said, I think the child would watch law darts if it was on ESPN. After church last Sunday, he and some friends camped out over night in line to get football tickets. There was only 100 to be had. He stayed up all night long ( texting me through out the night) , went to class and to work with NO SLEEP. Now this would be stupid/impressive enough on its own but here is...

I never ever buy myself anything new. Unless I am walking through Target or something and grab a few new T- shirts. I decided I needed a change! Here are a few of the things I ordered last week for myself. The blue sweater below I actually got in a caramel color that matches the flower on the cute little shoes, and yes I ordered a belt. Have I ever even had a belt before? I have no idea but its about time to feel better about myself and this is a start! When the UPS knocked on my door I was so excited! It felt like Christmas. Nothing better than buying myself a few new things.! Next week....I start going to the gym!