TIRED OF SADNESS

This past week, my daughter Taylor went to the eye doctor and was told some scary news. Let me back up a little...when Taylor was 12 the doctor informed us that she has very little optic nerve in her eye. It should look like a doughnut and be mostly doughnut and very little hole, hers is almost all hole. This past week, we were told that she has very very little left and this could and probably will end in her loss of vision. I have had a hard time trying to find my sanity in this. Here is a healthy 22 year old about to be married and is now dealing with this. She said to me " I will be fine. A lot of people are blind and I will deal with it. I will still go to school and have a family and be ok". HOW does she cope this way? I need some of that! In the past 6 years I have been drowning in terminal illness, death, sadness, loss and feelings of wanting to give up on it all. Then I have Taylor who reminds me that it could always be worse. I just want to take this away from her. I want her to see the world, do the things she speaks about, go to help third world countries with medical care, see her children. I feel so mad and on the verge of hating everyone. I will take her to see a specialist this week and hope to get some news that will make sense of this. Until then I hope that my prayers and tears can be heard. I feel helpless..a feeling that I am getting far to used to feeling. I will update soon.

STOP AND THINK

Before You Speak, Ask Yourself: Is It Kind, Is It Necessary, Is It True, Does It Improve On The Silence?

Sometimes words hurt for a lifetime. No matter how hard I try to forget what he said, it hurts my heart every single day.

CASSIDY WAS NOT TO BE LEFT OUT!

Before surgery


So...Cassidy had to steal Scott's surgery thunder. After a lifetime of strep throat the doctor told us " those tonsils are beasts and HAVE to come out:. Less than a week later , Cass was on the operating table. She handled the first 2 days just great. She ate McDonald's and pretty much anything she wanted. She was saying " this is so easy". Then a week into it, it all changed. She was crying and hurting and so sad. I could tell she was exhausted ( only sleeping 2 hours at a time so she could take pain meds) and feeling pain, and alone. It was breaking my heart. She was pitiful honestly. Well 17 days later she is out on a date and doing fine. She lost 12 lbs and is almost too skinny. Hope that she puts a couple pounds back on. I am glad she is feeling back to her silly. crazy , random self . I missed her! I just hope we can go a while without anyone being in the hospital!

SCOTT NEEDED SOME ATTENTION TOO

What a Christmas Eve...I am at work and I get a call from Scott " I am in the ER and I need to have my appendix out". I rush over to the hospital and there he is, in bed in pain. I instantly felt like he was 5 years old. It made me almost cry. I wanted to take over, and take care of him. I had to step back and let his wife be a wife. She did a GREAT job! She was so sweet to him and stayed with him. It was hard to hand over his care to someone else but I love Jen and I know she loves Scott. He survived and was home on Christmas Day..a little drugged but still there. Merry Christmas to us !

LITTLE GIRLS GROW UP AND BECOME BRIDES

My little girl (ok she is almost 22 but still) is ENGAGED! December 8, 2011 my soon to be son in law, Josh got down on one knee and made my daughter cry. Taylor and Josh have been together for 3 years. they are a great fit. I would never have picked him for her, which goes to show you that mom does NOT always know best. Taylor is a bright, articulate , amazing person. She makes smart choices and knows what she wants. The two of them adore each other and respect each other and I am so happy for her. It is a strange feeling to know that she will move away and have her own family. It makes ms sad and it makes me happy. I could not love her more.

QUICK RANT

Why in the world does he write to my daughter? He is serving a mission and did nothing but hurt her for the 12 months before he left. His family has no idea he writes her and tells her he loves her still..but I see how this will end. She will be the one who will be hurt, while they all look at him as the perfect one. If they only knew what he really does. It makes me so angry. He tells her he loves her and misses her but he would never admit that to anyone else. I can only hope that she is strong enough to see what kind of man he will be...never ever good enough for her. If you are reading this and you assume you know who this is about, you are probably right. This is the end of my rant but not of my anger.

UPDATE OF LIFE

so I have been meaning to update but just have not gotten to it. Life just happens...

Scott and Jen are all settled into married life in Eugene. I miss them stopping by and watching TV on my bed. I am so proud of them though and think that life is going to be a wonderful journey for them. I love Jen like she is one of my own. It is strange how quickly that happened. She is a great girl and I am thrilled Scott has her in his life.

Taylor is busy with school and life with Josh. They are so compatible. They have zero drama, never fight and just have such respect for each other. I am glad to see that for her. It is hard to find.

Cassidy is dating all of Logan haha JK ....but not really. Her social life is great and she seems so happy. She started cosmetology school. She is doing really well. She even had me come in for a facial last week, and she cut Brady's hair. He even let her give him a shave with a straight edge razor. She also got a new SUV which she is loving. She wrecks this one and she is on her own!

Brady is loving High School. He has been working out hard and getting ready for basketball tryouts. He also has straight A's in school! Not that that is a big shock. He is a brain! He has made friends and loves being in Logan. He is seriously the best kid. Just a really nice boy.

I am so lucky to have these kids. I am beyond blessed. They are the best thing I have ever done and the best gift I have ever received. I feel unworthy to be their mother most of the time.

Me ..well same old thing. I am working a ton. Some days I love it , other days I want to run away. I keep busy that is for sure. I think since I moved here I have grown a lot. Life is so different. It feels so nice to be able to support my family and not need anyone to do that. Life is good.

Oliver..yes he gets an update too . He is adjusting well to the cold weather. He hates his sweatshirts though. I hope he will wear them come snow or his little booty is going to be freezing. He gets the honor of the post picture...just because he is so adorable...no other reason.

Hope to update more often. If not..I will be back sooner or later.

a special mention to my daughter in law Jen ...who pointed out my lack of mentioning Brady. She likes to make me cry...haha jk love you Jen.