OPEN YOUR MOUTH AND SAY "AHHHH"

So after being in bed for a week straight with some type of flue ( I will not admit to swine flu) I thought I was finally going to get out of the house...WRONG! Cassidy woke up yesterday morning with Strep. I did not know what it was at the time but her breathing seemed weird, as well as her coloring and she was whimpering in pain. I decided to take her to the doctor so that she would be feeling better by today ( HER BIRTHDAY). After doing a strep test, I mentioned to the doctor that she had complained that her heart was racing. After examining her, we were told the strep had moved into her heart. We were placed on house quarantine, due to the highly contagious nature of the strep. She was having trouble breathing and swallowing her own saliva. If it got even the slightest bit worse, she was to go right to the hospital to be admitted. She is doing a little better today, still looks terrible but seems to be a little more lucid. Not a fun way to spend her 17th birthday! The women from church as so sweet and are bringing us dinner tonight. It is a small gesture that means soooo much to me right now!! To all of you who know Cassidy's medical history...this is typical of what happens to her. BLAH! Keep her in your prayers!

23 YEARS

Today would have been my 23 wedding anniversary. This is my first one since the divorce. Very strange. Very sad. I will always love Chad, I guess the old saying is true ...sometimes Love just is not enough.

ALL ABOARD

Lori and I went to Bermuda and we had an amazing time. To be honest, the ship could have stayed in Boston and we would not have cared. We just had so much fun being silly. We were very involved in every game, show, contest and activity on the ship. We even won Trivia Championship for the ship. It was so fun! I love my sister and I can not wait until the 18th of November when we go to Florida for another cruise!!!

I HAVE STEPPED OUT OF MY LIFE...

In Bermuda .....Be back in a week.

TEN THINGS I AM THANKFUL FOR

I have come to realize that in the last 6 weeks or so, I have been so sad, no negative and feeling quite angry that I have far from a perfect life. I compare everything to my past..I was married to a great man, with 4 great kids, a beautiful home, amazing friends, great sisters, a brother I love, 2 living healthy parents. I was living the American Dream...things change. Time goes by, people change, friends move, family grows apart, parents die..marriages end. But As the name of my blog states...LIFE GOES ON. It is time for me to see that good I have and start living life in the best way that I can. I need to be an example to my children, that they can see that sometimes from the darkest times, good things can come and the sun really will rise and hearts heal. So...I have many things to be thankful for but here are 10 that I feel I should share.


10. I have friends. They may not be the ones that I have had my whole life and many are new in my life but they are good, and loyal people and I expect to have them in my life for a very long time. Alexis, Christy, Michelle, Matt J. , Arlene...I love you all.

9. My house. I need to think about how lucky I am to have a home and I love the one I have. It is not palatial but it is fine for the 3 of us and for now.

8. Laughter. I forget about it sometimes, but it is there deep inside and I plan on using it a lot more often.

7. My cell phone. It keeps me connected to my friends and I am so glad I have it. It is something we all take for granted but it sure makes life easier.

6. The friends of my children. I know that they all have great people in their lives, that are amazing examples to them. I know so many people who worry about their children's friends. I never have to. And even the ex bf that might not know it but I am thankful for you Cody and the example you have been to everyone, most of all Brady who looks up to you.still. We miss you.

5. A man who actually put hope back into my heart. It is a VERY new friendship but even with it's newness I feel hope and this has made me feel very hopeful that I can find happiness again.

4. Church. I may not always show the people that know me well how much it means to me, but I have found in the past month that that is where I turn when I feel like I need a hand in this.

3. My sisters, my children and my brother. I love them and it is a solid reassurance that no matter what, we are here for one another and I love them so much.

2. My mom. I am so sad to see her slowly suffer more and more each day. I would trade places with her if I could. I hope she knows how much I love and admire her.

1. Me. I am who I am..and it is because of the blessings in my life. I will never regret who I am again. I will move on and learn from my past. I will try not to make the same mistakes again..and I will grow from the pain and the darkness. This is MY life and I have the right to live it, and to be happy again.

HAVE NOT BEEN FEELING IT

So I have not been feeling like posting lately. I have had a lot on my mind but nothing clear enough to post. I will find it in myself again ,soon I hope. Until then, here are some pictures of cassidy that I thought I would share.

LIFE

I was noticing that the past 3 posts on here were sad. I guess that is what I am feeling the past few weeks. I am learning to get past the divorce and I am really ok with it. I have been sad to see both of my girls recently hurt in relationships. Seeing them sad has been more painful to me then my divorce. I mean haven't they been through enough already? I have a lot of admiration for the strength that they have to power on through things. Heartache doesn't last forever but at the time, it seems as though it will. All I can do is hope that the pain is brief and leaves no scars.



I hope to see some light at the end of this very long tunnel very soon. I have been told we are not given more than we can handle...I think we are all at that point. Is it our turn for some happiness yet? I will focus on the good, and try to forget all that we have lost the past 4 years. I will try. We will try. We will be ok.