Well I found my blog after so long. SO much has changed. I moved to Hawaii. I am living the dream. Well...my dream. I have a beautiful home, wonderful friends and a life I have built. I have lost 60 lbs and feel so good. I left the LDS church and THAT has given me a sense of freedom. It was the final release from my life as I had lived it in my 20's,30's and my 40's for the most part. My 50's have been MINE!
After moving to Hawaii in October of 2021, I began dating a really great guy named Craig. It was good. It just wasn't enough. After several months, I ended it. I feel good about it but every day I think about him, I miss him and I wonder if I rushed to end things. I am ok alone. I am pretty independent and I like myself enough to be ok with being alone. I just feel like there is someone and I can't figure out who it is, where he is. I am at the time in my life where I have more to offer than I have in the past. I have a good job, a degree and a good sense of who I actually am. It took me a long time to figure that out. My ex husband was controlling and gaslighting and emotionally abusive. He told me I was dumb, crazy, "the men in the little white coats were going to take me away", told me I would die fat and alone. That stays with you and is hard to unhear. I have done a lot of work on myself and now I know he was just cruel. I am good. I am kind. I am worthy of love.
Finding love is not my goal. It would be nice though. Until then, I will keep living a life I love with people that are in my life by choice.I do think I will find love again. Where is he?
I hope to write here more than once every few years. To share the reasons I moved here, the life I am living and the person I am now. I am happy here. I feel actual joy. It is so good.
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